Dating After 50 For Women
Linda Wechter-Ashkin PhD NCSP BC-TMHC ADHD CCSP
I have so many friends and clients that find themselves back in the dating game in their 50’s and beyond. Some have watched their children go off to college and realize that they are just not compatible with their spouse anymore. Some have lost the love of their life and their grief is taking second place at this point to their loneliness. They come to me feeling lost and often broken. It is a daunting world they tell me. They tell me there are younger men looking for someone to take care of them and older men looking for them to take care of them. The men their age are looking for younger women or are looking for a bedmate after their first dinner together. I don’t have all of the answers for them, but I let them know it is not hopeless and that I have seen so many success stories come to life. But they have to get in the game. They can’t wait for someone to come to their door, and they may have to get out of their comfort zone, but there are good men out there.
Here are some tips:
1-Don’t steer away from online dating. I suggest paying if they can so they get more committed suitors. Try joining Telegraph Dating where you can browse profiles of singles over 50.
2-Take up a new hobby. The thing is though it may be something you don’t love. Remember the point of the hobby is to meet a man not really in this case to find a new hobby. Look in your area for cooking classes, discussion groups, dance classes, financial success meetings, walking and hiking groups, and at your local church or temple. Some people choose to learn a new language or a musical instrument. There are so many Meetup.com groups to choose from. Take a look and see what sparks your interest but remember you need to go where the men go.
3-Broaden your horizons-You’ve been around for awhile so you may be set in your ways in terms of who you are willing to date. Make a list of your top 3-5 deal makers and deal breakers. If you refuse to date a smoker that is someone to cross off your list but if you usually date tall men and this one is not, give him a chance.
4-Join a travel group-This takes a little courage but traveling solo is a way to force yourself to mingle. This website has some great suggestions for traveling solo after 50. https://www.theflashpacker.net/group-travel-singles/
5-Make sure you recognize red flags-This is a time to really think about past choices and where they have gotten you. If you have been accused of having a bad picker you are likely to pick from that some pool of men again. If this is the case for you get some counseling or a life coach to reset your picker.
6-Trust but not too much- Many of you have been burned so trusting is hard. You are going to need to learn the red flags but then open your heart to love. You may get hurt but if you don’t give love a chance you are destined to be stuck right where you are.
7-Mute the critical inner voice-Don’t listen to your critical inner voice that critiques you. If you need to refresh your wardrobe, go for it. If you want to try a new hair style have at it. If you haven’t exercised for awhile maybe get back into it. Do what you need to in order to feel good about yourself but remember all that you are. Step out with confidence. You are one of a kind. You are amazing. You are deserving of love.
