Blind Support Verses Wise Guidance
Linda Wechter-Ashkin Ph.D NCSP BC-TMHC ADHD CCSP
I have met many types of parents throughout my years of teaching and counseling. Sadly, I have met parents that have nothing good to say about their children which always breaks my heart. No matter what they have done I hate the thought that a mom and dad can’t recall something they love about their child without a but. Sometimes however that’s the way it is. On the other hand, I have met the opposite types of parents and that is not the best thing either. Despite what their child does they support them without question finding a reason to blame their teachers, their friends, their coaches, or whoever else has been in their path of destruction. They would be better students if their teachers were more equipped to handle their child’s unique behaviors. They wouldn’t get in trouble if it wasn’t for the neighbor’s rowdy kids. They would have a scholarship if their coaches saw their real talent. They were just being a kid so the officer should have ignored the infraction.
The problem is that these children grow up without ownership of their behaviors. They blame others for their mistakes and don’t connect to their successes because they expect things to go their way. Love your children unconditionally and accept them as they are but guide wisely. Your job as a parent is not to say everything they do is perfect, it’s to help them to see their part in any situation that doesn’t go their way. It’s not to condemn but to teach. Not to judge but to expand the way they look at people and situations. Our heavenly Father never condemns but he also doesn’t condone us in all situations. Every person who knows God personally has felt the sting of feeling his disappointment in us. Not his conviction but his desire for us to do it differently. Parents support your children like God supports you. Teach the importance of hard work not entitlement. Teach them that sometimes you work hard, and you still don’t win. Teach them to be grateful when their friends do well rather than tell them the award should have been theirs. Teach them how special they are, but don’t teach them that they are so special that they get a different set of rules. Parents love your children enough to correct them lovingly before sending them out into a world that will correct them harshly.