Divorce Is Not The Easy Way Out
Linda Wechter-Ashkin PhD NCSP BC-TMHC ADHD CCSP
Many parents especially those of multiple children stop making time for each other. I know my husband and I did. We went out to dinner here and there and went away for our anniversary, but we let ourselves grow in different directions. He worked longer hours, I put my energy into the kids. I put all of my energy into the kids, he worked longer hours. It was a vicious cycle that went on for many years before our marriage almost fell apart and we had to fight like heck to repair it. If you love your children make time for your spouse. My husband now always quotes Theodore Hesburgh who said the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. What a powerful message. If we lose each other in the midst of child-rearing everybody loses.
I have heard many people say that people take the easy way out when they get divorced, but I feel comfortable saying most of the people who say that are not divorced. Divorce is hard on everyone. Often people who once loved each other struggle with who should get what when it comes to belongings. That’s hard but by far not the hardest thing. These same parents who once marveled at the birth of their children now have to fight over visitation, and shared custody of them. People think that divorce is the easy way out because you get free time without children when the other parent has them. But so often that time is spent worrying about their children, who they are with, whether they did their homework or not, and what they ate for dinner. Divorce is not the easy way out. I work with countless children who have parents that have divorced, and they struggle to. Two houses to get used to, new people to accept, and no matter where they are there is something they are missing. Often the parents become so angry with each other that they use their children as a way to get back at each other and share way more with them than they should. They are not bad people, it’s just that divorce is not the easy way out. Often people quote the bible to shame people who have gotten divorced or are considering it. The bible doesn’t encourage divorce. I think because God knows divorce is not the easy way out and he does not want his children to suffer. If you are married, I pray that you begin right now, this week, to make time for your spouse. If you are divorced, I pray for you to have peace and a new start. Divorce is not the easy way out and I know you have been through a lot. God is with you, he is not ashamed of you, and he knows you did not take the easy way out.