How Do I Get My Chicken To Listen To My Feelings?
I had a great conversation recently with a friend that raises chickens. She talked about the joy she gets from them but also about the amount of work they are. It really got me thinking. She doesn’t expect much from the chickens because, well she knows they are chickens. She doesn’t expect them to ask about her day, to listen to her and really hear her, or to cleanup after themselves. It’s not because she wouldn’t like that, it’s because she knows they are chickens. They acted like chickens yesterday and again today and will act the same way tomorrow. She won’t get disappointed tomorrow because they act like chickens because she fully understands what she can expect from them based on what she knows about them. She doesn’t blame herself, get angry at them, or lose a minute of sleep hoping that they will act in a way that is not consistent with how they have acted in the past.
So I bet you are starting to get where I’m going. How many of you are trying to get someone in your life to act in a way that is just not consistent with who they are? It’s what you want them to be, but the evidence says it’s not who they were yesterday or are today, so it’s unlikely they will change tomorrow. And yet we step back into the ring with that person hoping that this time they will appreciate you, respect you, listen to you, understand you. And when they don’t we feel betrayed and unloved. Then we feel angry at them, and then guilty for being angry, and then just plain sad.
So the first step is to identify the chickens in your life and be honest with yourself about what you can expect from your chickens based on your evidence log of who they are, not who you wish they would be. And then you have to decide if you still want to feed your chickens. And if the answer is yes how often and how much. If your chicken is in your inner circle, you may not want to distance yourself totally but you may want to create some boundaries between you. You can choose to accept them as they are, but that doesn’t mean that you have to allow them free reign in your life. But if your chicken is an acquaintance, someone in your outer circle I suggest releasing them totally. You don’t have enough mental, physical, or spiritual energy to give away to random chickens when I guarantee you have a few in your inner circle that you need to tend to. And remember that if you are overwhelmed by the chickens in your life we are always here to help.
