How To Make It To Your 40th Wedding Anniversary

This weekend I celebrated my 40th wedding anniversary. It is unbelievable to me how quickly time flies. We spent the day lounging and reminiscing. We talked about details of our wedding, many of which one of us had forgotten. We talked about our children and our grandchild and how we could have never imagined 40 years ago that 2 kids from Brooklyn could have produced such an amazing family. We made Sunday gravy together and remembered the days when we had fresh picked tomatoes from my grandfather’s yard rather than the half green ones from Publix that we were using today. We remembered our first anniversary when I made a similar meal, but Dave had been on a 24-hour hospital shift the day before, and literally fell asleep in his plate before I put the spaghetti in. We snuggled on the couch and watched SUITS and I’m not sure that I saw the clock hit 9:30 before I closed my eyes. And it was perfect.

I am blessed to have the perfect marriage. Hahahahahaha!!! Just kidding. There are times when I look at Dave and think, what in the world was I thinking and I’m sure he has more days like that than I do. Because I couldn’t even live with myself for a week without getting tired of me. ( a phrase brilliantly coined by my mom about herself). Living with one person day in and out through ups and downs is hard. I live by the clock, and he never looks at it. He wants to know how everything works, and I just want it to work. I like everything in order and his office looks like a teenage boy lives there. I am a foodie, and he is very happy with McDonalds every night. We are very different people who do life very differently and at times it can be hard to know where the other person is coming from.

So what is our secret to success. I think we just keep plowing. We have been lucky enough not to fall out of love at the same time, which is a big plus. because that can make it really hard to go on. We fight and forgive. We kiss each other each morning and hug throughout the day. We say I love you freely even when it’s hard to do. We remember that we are not perfect. I often stop myself and think if I’d want my son’s wife to talk to him the way I’m about to talk to Dave, and that often stops me in my tracks. We remember our history and realize that would be hard to replicate. We play together and make time each day to connect. We pray together and separately for each other. And still sometimes it’s really hard, and then we plow.  Our wedding song was Love Lifts Us Up Where We Belong. We listened to it yesterday and we were reminded of the many mountains we have had in our way and our choice to climb over them again and again to get to the other side.

So after 40 years I can say clearly that I don’t have the perfect marriage or the perfect person, but I have the perfect person for me.

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