My Child Is A Liar And Other Lies
Linda Wechter-Ashkin Ph.D NCSP BC-TMHC ADHD CCSP
One of my favorite conversations with parents often starts with “My child is a liar.” I always query and they say things like I asked if they did their homework and they said yes even though they know they did not. And then they say they cleaned their room and when I went up there it was nowhere near clean. My favorite is I literally watched them open the refrigerator and take out a snack and when I asked them if they just opened the refrigerator, they said no. I tell them their child is not a liar, they just are asking questions when they need to make statements. I usually bring in the child at that point and they usually admit that they often forget to do their homework but most times they get away with it, so they took a shot this time and missed. Then I ask about their room, and they swear that they left it perfect but a 13 year old’s version of a perfectly clean room is often quite different than the expectations of their parents. They aren’t lying, they just see the situation differently. And again for the refrigerator caper, if as a parent you see your child opening the refrigerator for a snack before dinner why would you ask them if they just opened the refrigerator when you already know the answer.
I feel like sometimes we act the same way that our children do when we are talking to God. He knows our thoughts, our intentions, and our hearts and yet we often try to avoid telling him the whole story or don’t see it as clearly as he does. My boss always is always picking on me for no reason. No matter what I do he’s never satisfied. But you were late 3 times this week. I am a good parent God so why are my children so disobedient? You haven’t been consistent with discipline my child. I have such terrible luck God. You make terrible choices my child. We are not trying to lie to God, we are more likely trying to justify our actions, avoid consequences, or follow the path that we want to follow despite what we know he would prefer us to do. The good news is that we have a patient God that understands that we are flawed and doing the best we can. I pray that you will do the same for your children. Be direct, be clear, but be loving and forgiving always.