I find myself liking noise in the house now that the kids are gone, so I almost always have the television on in the background when I am not with a client. Today the background noise revolved around the murder of Dee Dee Blanchard.in 2015. She was stabbed to death and found in a pool of blood by her bed in her own home. What made the story more complicated was that her own daughter Gypsy had her murdered while she listened to her mother’s cries from the next room. Her daughter was being interviewed from prison by Dr. Phil. During the interview we learn that her mother had forced her to pass herself off as younger, disabled, and chronically ill, and she was forced to undergo countless surgeries and was prescribed numerous medications for illnesses that she did not have. Her mother confined her to a wheelchair and had her act as if she could not walk. So right before another scheduled unnecessary surgery she had her boyfriend take her mother’s life and end her pain. She said she saw it as a new start to her life even though her plan was to escape with the man who killed her mother and wanted to rape her too but agreed to rape Gypsy instead. She said she was incredibly remorseful but that she did not see a way out at the time. She said she wished she had realized that she had other choices. That she had stepped in front of someone and let them see she could walk, that she had called her biological father, that she had done something. But she felt so trapped that although she was not paralyzed due to illness or disability, she was paralyzed by fear.
My heart went out to Gypsy who is scheduled to be released from prison in December of this year, and I do pray she can make a life for herself with purpose, and that God will use her tragedy as a testimony. I don’t dare to comment on her sentencing, the appropriateness of it, or the appropriateness of her early release, but I was struck by her story. Like so struck that I stopped working on my reports for the week and started thinking about why her story felt so relatable.
And then I saw it. It’s the story of someone who felt so trapped that they could no longer see the opportunities in front of them to get out of their situation. I can’t relate to what she had been through or what she did to escape her situation, but I sure know the feeling of being stuck with no visible way out, and I talk to people every day who have been there too. An abusive boss but a needed paycheck. An addiction that has been kept secret. A picture-perfect marriage with an abusive spouse when the doors close. A beautiful home with a mortgage that is way above the household income. A family history that threatens shame if it comes out. And like Gypsy instead of stepping out and asking for help and being transparent about our struggles, we hide our problems, we isolate ourselves, and we dig a deeper and deeper hole.
So my advice to you is If you are in a hole there is hope. If you feel trapped there is hope. If you feel alone reach up and then reach out. Just don’t stay in the hole alone. I know it will be difficult to tell people your authentic story. Just take a step and tell 1 person you trust, and if you don’t have a person find a therapist. I know it may seem impossible to get out of your situation, take a step. Call a lawyer, a financial analyst, a life coach, and ask them what now? I know what they may have done is hard to forgive, take a step towards radically accepting that it happened but you don’t have to continue to relive it. I know what you have done might be hard for you to forgive, take a step. Ask God to forgive you which he always will, and believe you are forgiven. You really can do it. Just take the first step out of the hole into the life you deserve and were meant to live.
