Your Father Is Right!
Linda Wechter-Ashkin Ph.D NCSP BC-TMHC ADHD CCSP
If you are married you know there are days when you have a lot of things that you want to say about your spouse, and most are not very loving. For some of you that is most days. They work too many hours and neglect the family. They play video games instead of getting a second job to support the family. They care so much about their appearance that it is annoying. They don’t seem to care at all about how they look anymore. They don’t discipline the kids and leave it all to me. They are so hard on the kids that I have to shield them. They are such a slob. They are such a neat freak. And on and on and on. I think that is somewhat normal. If we communicate in a healthy way, we share our thoughts and then we accept our spouse’s option to choose to change or not.
The problem is when we begin to share our criticisms with our children. When we hear ourselves say Your dad is so lazy. Your mom wants everything her way. Don’t be like your dad when you grow up. Don’t be like your mom when you grow up. It seems innocent. We’re just blowing off steam. Until the day comes and we hear our own words out of our precious child’s mouth or worse yet our teenager’s mouth. If you love your children respect their mother. If you love your children honor their father with your words. See they only get one mom. As a loving dad why would you want to train your sons to speak unlovingly to their mom, their wife, their daughters. As a loving mom why would you teach your daughters to disrespect their father, their husband, their sons. If you love your children speak lovingly about their father. Remind them of how blessed they are to have him despite his flaws. If you love your children speak kindly about their mother. She may not be perfect, but she is who God specifically chose for them. Your spouse will frustrate you, seek counseling. Your spouse will disappoint you, call a friend. Your spouse will not meet your expectations, change them. But whatever you do don’t make your child your sounding board for your frustration. The price is more than they have the ability to pay, and the cost will stay with them for the rest of their days.
